What goes around – does come around

Sometimes in our lives we are confronted with sudden and unexpected events, which have the power to change the way we view life and the journey we are on.

For Margaret Alve, the catalyst for change began the day she received a terrible phone call from a doctor who, concerned about her son’s test results, urged her to get to the hospital within the next 2 hours.

On Good Friday 1996 Marg and her husband Terry had confirmation that their youngest son Caleb had Leukaemia. Caleb was 5 years old. His Chemotherapy treatment began immediately, and the family was suddenly caught in a fast and furious nightmare. Their lives and the lives of their other children, Sarah, Jono and Davey changed instantly.

Marg gave up her job to devote time to Caleb’s care, while the other children had to swiftly adjust to a life where their parents were often away and unavailable. Marg refers to them as the ‘unsung heroes,’ each suffering and trying to help in their own unique way.

The community where the Alve’s lived was absolutely incredible. They closed ranks around them so thoroughly that the family did not have to cook or do washing for a month. The incredible kindness of people often stunned Marg and Terry to the core.

During the taxing months of Caleb’s treatment the family had to contend with intense emotional issues. There were mis-communications, arguments and feelings of isolation. Seeking the help of a child psychologist provided a turning point. The family learnt to slow down the tough decisions and give themselves (and each other) a break.

Throughout that time Marg and her family were visited and supported by the Child Cancer Foundation, and Marg also became a member of the Parent & Social Committee. Later, when the Family Support Worker was off work due to injury, Marg was asked if she would like to fill in by visiting families of children with cancer for a while.

Volunteering for firstly 8 hours per week, then 10, then 12, then 15, then 20, then 30…Marg’s now heading towards 40 hours, has trained in Counselling and become a paid member of staff in the role of Family Support Coordinator! It’s a job she adores.

“I have loved, and do love, working with people,” says Marg. “It is a privilege and an honour to journey with people at a painful period in their lives. There are no masks, you see people for who they really are and how they really are.”

Caleb is now a healthy 14 year old and Marg is part of a multi-disciplinary team in the Paediatric department at Wellington Hospital, visiting the ward 3 times a week.

When a child is diagnosed with cancer, Marg delivers a “starter kit” from the Child Cancer Foundation (containing information, resources and gifts for the family). She pops in to the ward to support the family, and follows up at home. She is also available for information, a coffee & chat, to listen, and sometimes to share (if that’s what the family wants).

Marg is a well-known figure on the hospital wards -particularly amongst the children, as she occasionally dresses up as a Fairy Godmother and gets the kids involved with beads and crowns and sparkly bits. She also helps organise ‘end of treatment parties’, siblings camps, canoeing, tickets giveaways and fish ‘n’ chips on the ward. A self-confessed extrovert, Marg tries to bring laughter into the lives of the children and the nurses who look after them.

Reflecting on her journey, Marg says; “Even to have had a child faced with a life threatening illness is a loss and that loss has its own depths, breadths and widths. It’s a situation in which you are helpless, you cannot change it.”

Marg Alve was recently nominated for the “Wellingtonian of the Year” Award.